His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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