dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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