trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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