i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
