Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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