her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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