Please don't use social media to get back at me.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
