we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
