weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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