would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
