I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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