I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
