I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
