just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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