would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
