I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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