I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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