its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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