I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
