Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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