Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
