idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
