Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
