And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
