I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
