I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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