So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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