my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
