so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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