don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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