I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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