I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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