I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
she peed on how many people?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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