We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
