You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
