You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
