the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
