youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
