Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
