my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Randomize
