she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
