I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
