i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
