im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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