I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
