why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
