You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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