I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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