Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
