The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
