did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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