does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
