He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
