she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
