Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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