Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
