Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
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Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
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I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
So I just went to clothing optional bar
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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