Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Houston, we have a squirter
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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