It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
