Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
