I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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