I skipped work to stalk him.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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