You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
