pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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