Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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