Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
