we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
