I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
