Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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