chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.