Texts From Last Night

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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.

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  (402): I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents. http://tfl.nu/l0y8
  Replies (9) Good night (946) Bad night (2075)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"

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  (704): Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?" http://tfl.nu/740o
  Replies (9) Good night (2032) Bad night (708)
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  (+44): View more from England

  Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.

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  (+44): Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms. http://tfl.nu/jipl
  Replies (12) Good night (807) Bad night (5084)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.

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  (904): i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial. http://tfl.nu/yyq8
  Replies (68) Good night (4482) Bad night (1422)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  you were so drunk you slurred your pauses

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  (440): you were so drunk you slurred your pauses http://tfl.nu/u543
  Replies (6) Good night (4418) Bad night (631)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night

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  (201): i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night http://tfl.nu/v4yn
  Replies (73) Good night (1299) Bad night (12932)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.

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  (517): I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen. http://tfl.nu/y9v8
  Replies (13) Good night (5897) Bad night (1273)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?

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  (+44): She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea? http://tfl.nu/vmb3
  Replies (19) Good night (5453) Bad night (1824)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality

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  (336): I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality http://tfl.nu/g1bs
  Replies (73) Good night (1510) Bad night (12938)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.

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  (904): Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened. http://tfl.nu/0eyi
  Replies (10) Good night (1009) Bad night (5339)
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  (530): View more from California

  Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.

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  (530): Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking. http://tfl.nu/izw9
  Replies (8) Good night (1492) Bad night (669)
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  (956): View more from Texas

  Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?

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  (956): Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone? http://tfl.nu/ptfa
  Replies (7) Good night (1143) Bad night (546)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...

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  (763): I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked... http://tfl.nu/6r3j
  Replies (3) Good night (313) Bad night (508)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.

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  (203): It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of. http://tfl.nu/uox7
  Replies (1) Good night (712) Bad night (330)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me

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  (512): I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me http://tfl.nu/qwmj
  Replies (2) Good night (657) Bad night (238)

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