I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.