another moral hangover. fuck.
I think I died a long time ago.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
