Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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