the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
