Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
organizing the empties. That sober.
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I can feel your judgement through the phone