All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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