That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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