if only i could text you this smell
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
