how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
