Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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