We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
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Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
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Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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