He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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